Recharging the batteries

I had a wonderful extended weekend.  The hill country of Texas is absolutely beautiful.  The weather was perfect.  Not too warm, not cold.  No rain.  Just what my family needed.

The four hour car ride wasn’t optimal, but I survived.  We were so far out in the boonies that it couldn’t be found on GPS and only back roads could be used to find it.  No cell coverage either.  My kind of place.

It wasn’t so out there that it was uncomfortable.  Running, filtered water, electricity, heat.  True camping would be out of the question for me.  There is no way I’m sleeping on the ground with my joints the way they are.  Forget about peeing in the woods, I’m so clumsy I probably would have preferred adult diapers.

My mom wanted to see the leaves turn color.  We used to live up north. Where we live now, you might see one or two trees with a color change.  Apparently in certain areas of Texas, there is an abundance of maple trees, which obviously turn color in cooler weather.  That is one of the things I do miss about being in the north east.  The change of seasons.

So we went to Lost Maples natural area to hike.  This place was packed.  In PA, trees change everywhere, on every street corner, and its free to see.  Here, they charge to see it, and people stand in line and pay for the privledge.   It was beautiful.  The combination of the rugged Texas hill country and the color of the leaves was majestic.

With a good balance of rest and activity, I managed to hike a tame trail of 0.8 miles.  I was so happy that I could do it!!  I know that the combination of it being Friday (and that the methotrexate was out of my system), and that I have been regularly medicating for pain every morning regardless of symptoms helped as well.

It just felt really good to be out in nature, with my family, and to be able to participate fully in a physical activity.

I was able to go out to lunch afterward too.  It felt like a normal day.  I felt like a normal person.

But I crashed when we got back to the cabin and needed a three hour nap. I was able to get up in time for a flame cooked dinner and to stay up late by the fire and enjoy my husband and my dad and their stories.

I declined another hike the next day, I was hurting pretty bad, but I did have a wonderful day with my mom window shopping in the “Cowboy Capital of the World” 30 miles away in Bandera.  She is starting to understand my limitations, and I was able to sit down and take a break when I needed it.  She observed first hand how I just “shut down” like a computer when I get hit with fatigue and need to rest for about 20 min or so to “power back up”.

We talked about my current issues and past issues.  She seems to understand me more.  We will always have our differences, what mother and daughter don’t?  But its nice to know that we are getting along more.  I no longer feel that I am being accused of being lazy or not trying hard enough to get better.

I don’t know how I would feel if I were her, I hate it when my daughter is sick.  But I am in charge of my daughter’s healthcare.  And with Sunshine, everything has been cut and dry: a clear diagnosis and treatment.  For my mom, she has no say in what I do with my body, and with the things I currently have, it is quite nebulous.  She even said as much when we went out for pie this past weekend.  She said something like “I kind of wish you had something visible, something like your leg cut open, because then its easy, we just sew you up and you are fixed”.

My mom tends to look for “cures” for me.  Anytime she runs in to someone as a patient or in public that has a diagnosis like mine, she finds out what they are doing to help and thinks that it will cure me.  With the fibro, it was “oil of oregano”.  I couldn’t find credible evidence to warrant me trying it.  And once I moved to Texas, the fibro was on the back burner.  Now she wants me to try “white gold drops”.  She wants me off the methotrexate and on these drops.

As much as I hate the methotrexate, as far as I know, it is the medication that is keeping me from going blind right now.  It isn’t the most optimal existence for me right now, but my eyes are better.  I just have really bad side effects that keep me from working as I did in the past.  And I can’t work at any job for two or three days after I take a dose.

There I go getting negative again.  Ok.  Focus on the positive.  I had a wonderful weekend with my family.  My daughter loved hiking.  I can tolerate it in small amounts. Everyone was incredibly supportive.  I think I got closer to my mom.

Overall, much needed, I am so grateful to my parents for removing us from the city and getting us away from it all..


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