Thankful

It has been one hell of a year.

Despite all of the hardships, I know I have plenty to be thankful for this year.

Sunshine.  I am thankful to be her Mommy.  She is my reason to get up and out of bed in the morning.  Literally.  I am forced to push through the pain and fatigue and brain fog  every day to either get her off to school or to make sure she is safe.  I love watching her grow and learn.  She is hilarious and knows how to make me smile and laugh.  I am so incredibly blessed to be her mother.

My husband.  I am so thankful he has chosen me to be his wife.  We have been friends for 15 years.  He is my best friend, my confidant, my lover.  There is nothing that I can’t tell him.  He knows everything about me, and yet still accepts me as I am.  In just the past 5 months, we have gone through a lifetime of hardships, but we have stuck together, leaned on each other, and we are stronger than ever.  And it looks like it will worse before it gets better.  I am so thankful to have such a wonderful man by my side.

My parents.  I was launched.  They launched me off of the home launch pad at age 21.  Yet, every time I stumble, be it with my first illness (c.diff and fibro) and with domestic violence (first husband), they have been there for me to help me stand up again on my own two feet.  They don’t have to do that.  I have seen plenty of friends have some type of situation and have to struggle on their own without any kind of assistance from their families.  I know I’m lucky.  I am so thankful for my parent’s never ending love and support.

My friends.  Yesterday I was extremely anxious over the money situation, my health, the bleak future.  I started texting my best friend who lives up north.  She knows me as well as my husband.  She doesn’t coddle me, she tells it like it is.  She was able to calm me down, help me see the situation as it is, and remind me to take each day as it comes.  Sometimes I need that.  And I am so thankful to have a friend such as her.

I am thankful for this outlet for my feelings and observations.  It needs to go somewhere, and physical writing is more painful than typing for me.  I can express my thoughts more fluidly through writing than with speech.  I’m sure there is a technical name for this, but I can’t remember it.

I am thankful for the support and comments some of you have left.  It is very difficult dealing with this disease.  I don’t know what to expect day in and day out.  I am trying to minimize the effect on my family, but the loss of my income as the breadwinner is horrific.

I don’t know what the next year will bring, in terms of my health, finances, family.  But right now I am very thankful to even be alive and intact with all senses.

I will take a deep breath, enjoy my entire extended family tomorrow, and enjoy Sunshine the rest of the weekend.

Happy Thanksgiving y’all!!

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