New Years Resolutions when your health is in the toilet

I don’t do New Year resolutions.  I have never done them, I think they only set people up for failure.  And when you have a lovely, uncertain, chronic health condition such as I, the typical resolutions of “lose 15 lbs by Valentine’s Day” are probably unrealistic.

So I’ll just write some broad, long-term goals.  I have actually been starting to do a few of these in the past few weeks, but an arbitrary date, such as the New Year, is a good time to write them down.  Here goes:

1)  Keep better track of my health.  Right now I’m sort of “winging it”.  I haven’t been keeping track of what meds I take when. I’ve actually weaned myself off of some of my meds in a haphazard fashion due to cost issues.  I should have kept better track of that.  And I need to organize my health information and records in a more coherent way (other than the messy pile they are currently in).

2)  I want to look into more holistic health options.  I was seeing a naturopath when I started getting sicker.  Since I have had lack of funds, I have stopped all my herbals and vitamins.  But I know there are cheaper and better ways to care for my body other than traditional western medicine.  I just need to find the right balance between western medicine and complementary medicine.

3) Eat healthier. I won’t put “lose weight” as a goal, because I know that taking long term steroids seriously puts that goal in jeopardy.  But “eating healthy” means getting more fruits and vegetables and drinking more water.  I can do that.

4) More movement.  Again, I won’t set out a goal to do a set number of exercise each day.  But with a goal of “more movement” I can feel satisfied if I stretch once a day, if I took a 10 minute walk.

5) Better sleep hygiene.  Since I stopped taking some of my meds due to cost, namely my Lyrica (which I had been on for years), I have been having more issues sleeping.  Some nights during the past few weeks I have had 2-3 hours of sleep at the most.  That is unacceptable and it has to get better.  I know what to do, I just have to do it.  Set bedtime, set a routine, take something if I need to BEFORE midnight.  I know that I can do this if I set my mind to it.

6) Look into every available option of insurance, funds, and help for my condition.  I know help is out there.  I have to find it.

So that’s it.  I hope to be working on this and blogging around these issues.  It is evident that I’m stuck with this crap for the long term.  I have to find a better way to live than popping my meds and laying on the couch.

Goodbye 2012

I am very happy to see this year end.  

This year started on a very sad note, my grandfather passed away last December 28, and last year at this time we were in the middle of funeral arrangements.  I did the eulogy.

The remainder of winter/spring and early summer I worked my butt off to pay for our wedding.  I failed to notice how my health was being affected, and I just chocked it up to working more.

June 8, the eye balls started acting up and it hasn’t been the same since.

So at year’s end, I am 40lbs heavier, with poorer vision, increased pain, more fatigue and taking chemotherapy.  I am basically out of a job, out of insurance, and receiving assistance.

My mother in law passed away suddenly and my father in law attempted to follow her in quick succession.

No, I am not sad at all to put this year behind me.

I am again forcing myself to look at the positive:

I celebrated 15 years of friendship with the most amazing man by marrying him.  Our wedding was wonderful.  Everything I hoped and wanted it to be.  In the six trying, frustrating, emotional months since our nuptials, we have only gotten stronger each day.  He stands by me, he cares for me.  We have so much fun just being with each other.  I am truly blessed to have him in my life.

I gained a fantastic bonus son.  He looks just like his Daddy and he is is so polite, smart, and fun.  I truly enjoy having him around and wish he could spend more time with us.  He is wonderful to my daughter and I am so happy that he accepts me as a bonus mom.  I love the conversations I have with him and I love watching him grow into a young man.

Due in part to my illness and being home ALL THE TIME, I have a stronger bond with my daughter.  I am now a stay-at-home mom.  Towards the end of the summer, when my husband was sorting out the aftermath of his mother’s sudden passing up north, my daughter and I had six weeks of just us.  Mommy and baby time we call it.  Yes, we butt heads.  She is as strong-willed and dramatic as I was at that age.  But I’m not sure I would have gained this level of closeness with her if I continued to work at the pace I was working.  I get to put her on the bus every morning, I’m here when she gets back.  I get to help her with her school work, volunteer at her school (if I’m feeling up to it), and I get a front row seat to watching her grow.  For that I am eternally grateful.

Yes, this has been an extremely trying year.  Physically, mentally and emotionally.  But I can’t ignore the personal, interpersonal, emotional growth that has taken place.

So I am happy to see you go, 2012, but thanks for the memories 🙂