The meds are hitting hard today. I’m not sure if it is because I’m taking a detox bath every week to help me feel better, but it is really sucking today.
Friday night is when I give myself a shot of methotrexate. I’m only on 10mg, but for some reason I am very drug sensitive to it.
As soon as I inject it, usually into my thighs because of the lovely rash currently encircling my abdomen, I start to feel a heaviness travel down my leg. It’s quick and soon envelopes my entire body. And for the next 24-48 hours I am a walking zombie. I frequently need my husband’s assistance in getting to the bathroom, into bed, etc.
I also experience nausea and sometimes experience dry heaves. Lovely.
Usually the next morning I feel slightly better. But today, it took an effort to even breathe. I almost fell a few times attempting to do things for myself. I hate being helpless as this fog envelopes my mind and my body.
Major effort to even type.
But, this medication is the only one that has stopped the inflammation so far. And not completely, I might add. And I have taken it since August, so this is as good as its gonna get.
I guess I’m not completely to the “acceptance” phase. With the fibro diagnosis 7 years ago, it was more secondary because I was also fighting a deadly infection. I went right from recovering from that infection to being pregnant (which was wonderful for my fibro, and I’m not being sarcastic. I felt fantastic when I was pregnant). And then from being pregnant, to practically being a single mother (despite the fact that I was married to her father). It was easier to accept the fibro because I was so busy caring for another person.
I (obviously) still care for her, but she is potty trained, can feed herself, and sleeps through the night. And most of the week she’s at school. And I have tremendous help from her bonus daddy (real daddy decided to cut her out of his life six months ago).
So I guess that I haven’t fully accepted that, in order to retain my sight, I have to take these meds. I have more time to think about it.
With the fibro it was more of a fatigue/pain thing. I was constantly tired, but I had another little tiny person to take care of. Now I have more time to dwell on what is going on. I’m bored. I can’t work (in the traditional sense).
With this med…it changes so much. I have gained weight, I can rarely exercise (on very good days I can take a 10 minute walk to the mailbox and back).
I’ll feel better by Monday. Hopefully. I’ll be able to participate in the household. But right now, I really can’t do anything but lay down and read.