My parents have recently pointed out the notion of karma. What goes around, comes around.
Sunshine has been “grounded” for the past two days.
On Tuesday, Sunshine woke up complaining of a headache. No fever, no nausea or vomiting, but she was very vocal that her head hurt and she “didn’t feel well”. I get migraines, and I know they are genetic, so I gave her Tylenol. When deciding whether If I should send her to school, she said “Mommy, I think I need to stay home. My head hurts bad”. I told her if she stays home from school, she doesn’t get to play outside with her friends. My Mama law is: if you are too sick to be at school, you are too sick to play outside.
She stayed home. And wouldn’t you know it, when the school bus passed by with her friends on it, she magically recovered and threw a fit because I wouldn’t let her play outside. Her friends came over and were asking to play with her, I had her answer them and tell them what was going on.
Then yesterday she was grounded as well. Her kindergarten teacher uses a “smiley face” system to indicate behavior in the classroom. In her folder yesterday, there was a note with a “straight” face that informed me that Sunshine misbehaved in class, was throwing things at other classmates and was very rude when a classmate fell.
Mama’s law with behavior? If you can’t behave at school (or in public in general), you do not deserve to play outside or with friends.
After about a 30 minute tantrum, she calmed down. I’m fairly surprised at myself, the whining, the crying, the flailing didn’t faze me at all. I calmly repeated what happened, and why she was being grounded. I then discussed with her the things she can do to modify her behavior. I reiterated that she isn’t “bad” that she just had a rough day, and she will get a chance to change her behavior tomorrow.
At the end of the evening, when we had “Mama-Baby time” (it refers to the time we have when my husband is at work, we usually lay in my bed and watch movies before bed), I asked Sunshine what she has learned in the past few days. She said “I will never lie to Mama, and I will behave in school”.
Its hard to know what to do. As a mom, I love my baby so much and I want to make the bad feelings go away. But at the same time, I am responsible for raising a child. Along with my husband, we are responsible for molding her into a good member of society. We are responsible for teaching her right from wrong, and that her actions have consequences.
I also have the added issue with the possibility of Sunshine acting out due to her inner turmoil regarding her biological father. She has never had a “bad report” from school until right after he missed her birthday.
I am taking her to see someone next week. Like I discuss in Bio Dad, I am her mom, I have no experience with what she is going through. Despite my nursing background, I am not versed in child psychology. My parents are still together, and so were my in-laws (until my mother in law passed right after our wedding). Together, we might not have the skills to understand what she has going on in her head. But I am willing to discuss the situation with a professional, and working with them and Sunshine to help her through this time.
And back to the karma: my parents recently toasted to karma at dinner last night. They are tickled to see me dealing with Sunshine’s issues (not the dad thing, but the temper tantrums). Like they told me when I was younger “I hope you have a kid that is just like you”. And it happened. She is me and my brother mixed into one. And my brother is a hell-raiser.
Sunshine is due home in three hours, we will see if she managed to behave today.