Ominous

My eyes are getting worse.  This isn’t just me thinking negatively, I have noticed a difference in the past week.

The first thing I noticed is my right eye getting blurry.  Like someone smeared something on my glasses.  This was surprising because my right eye is my “good” eye.

Then I started seeing new floaters in the right eye as well.  That eye is supposedly “clear”.  The floaters are more prominent and are always in my field of vision.

And then the reading.  I have had to enlarge the font on my kindle that I only get 20 words per page on average.

I can’t tell the difference between numbers at arms length.  Numbers 3, 6, and 8 look the same to me.  I really have to squint and pull the computer screen close in order to differentiate at times.

That is scary.

I’m not sure if I need a new prescription for my glasses (which I cannot afford) or if the eyes are truly worsening.

I have an appointment with the eye doctor today.  Hopefully he can put my mind at ease and tell me that things are clearing up.  But something tells me that this is not the case.

I truly hate this.  I hate not knowing.  I hate my meds, I hate what they have done to my body.  I hate the inability to do nearly EVERYTHING.  I hate that my body just will not cooperate.

Positive thinking:  as this is my birthday week, I have had a wonderful romantic dinner with my husband.  Tonight my mom is making my favorite foods for my “family birthday dinner”.

I know that it seems silly or trivial to be celebrating a birthday in the 30s, but I am grateful to be alive to celebrate another year of life.  Things could have gone so wrong at any point during this health adventure.  I am happy that I have stayed out of the hospital thus far.

So happy birthday to me!!