Stick a needle in your eye




My brother, who is younger and a hockey player, told me that I was very brave and very strong the last time I talked to him.

He said “I have no idea how you deal with the eye injections, I know I couldn’t”

That means a lot coming from him.  He is the big, bad hockey player.  He has knocked out his teeth, taken pucks to the body and sliced open his arm (requiring stitches) when someone landed on him against the boards.

But I didn’t feel all brave and strong last week.

The good news? My eyes are improving.  Minimal inflammation in the left eye (but I still am developing a cataract) and minimal in the right.  But the doc still wanted to inject the right with steroids to “wipe out that inflammation”.

So I endured that circus again.  They do use numbing drops, numbing gel.  But putting the betadine in right before the injection really sucks.  It burns, it feels like someone threw sand in my eyes.  And I can’t blink because they put one of those eye clips in that keeps me from blinking (I felt like I was in A Clockwork Orange).

So the injection itself is painful too.  And it hurts for the next 24 hours.  Like “require narcotics” pain.

I stay away from pain meds.  Just because I have pain everyday, and if I used something for pain everyday (non-prescription or prescription) my liver will be shot by the time I’m 40.  But this eye pain.  Wow.

It hurts to move your eye at all.  Even with a lovely eyepatch (I told the doctor and the techs that I felt like the “Governor” from “The Walking Dead”), when my left eye would move, so would my right.  OWWWW!

Another bad thing about the injection, if he does it right, the pool of medication can be seen in the corner of my visual field.

I keep thinking I see people or shadows walking through my house, even though I’m alone.  Very freaky.

And the pool of meds will probably be there for the next week or so.

The only good thing?  He didn’t cause my eye to hemorrhage this time.  No bloody red ring around my iris.

In other news, I’m starting to use apps on my new cell phone to help track my health.

So far, I have one to track pain, but it can be modified to track any symptom, and one for my blood pressure.

The blood pressure picture isn’t very pretty.  I’m still running 120s-130s/90-110s.  I’m still taking bp meds that wipe me out completely.  Looking at the graph of my blood pressure over the last month, it is a huge rollercoaster.  Great.

But at least I have a portable record that I can take with me to the doctor’s office visits.

I would like to find a better one to manage all my symptoms and their severity (not just pain), but so far this is pretty good.  And free.

Next week my mom is whisking me and Sunshine away to the beach.  I am in definite need of the R&R.  Not to sure about the 12 hour drive though.

People assume that because I can’t work right now, and because I barely leave the house, that I am already relaxing and  enjoying my time off.  Nothing is farther from the truth.

I struggle every day to do basic things.  Take a shower, do the dishes.  A huge pile of laundry is looking at me right now. I end up sleeping a lot due to the medication side effects.  When I sleep to long, my body aches.  And then I stiffen up and can’t move.

So its not fun and games being sick all the time.  TV is boring, I can only read so much or go online so much.  Some days I’m too sick to even do that.

I would love to be back at work.  I miss my patients, my coworkers and the health insurance and pay.