365 days

I started blogging a year ago today.


Interesting year.

I’m thrilled that I have recovered to the point where I can work, even on a very part time basis.  I’m off of steroids, I’m driving.

But there is a price.  And that was my financial solvency.

We finished cleaning out our apartment yesterday.  I really liked living there.  Very bittersweet.

But, we have a room over our heads, food in our bellies.

My parents house is very quiet.  They live in the very back of an upscale housing development.  Its about a mile from any busy road.

With our apartment, it was right ON a very busy road.  So the quiet is a nice change.

My parents also have a house.  Much, much bigger than our apartment, even with 5 people, two dogs and one disgruntled cat under the roof.

And there is a backyard, and walking trails.  So in a sense it’s an upgrade, but with the trade off of living with the parents.

Healthwise, I am much better than a year ago.  My only major issue right now is pain and fatigue, mainly from fibro.

I’ve been overextending myself (again).  Yesterday after dropping off my husband at work, I came home and took a 1.5 mile walk before the sun came up.  That was really nice.  But I’m paying for it now.

My left shoulder has been KILLING me.  I woke up in the middle of the night on Thursday with searing pain stabbing into the top of my shoulder.  I broke down and took ibuprofen (which I really shouldn’t take) because I couldn’t find the Tylenol.  I iced it and had to resort to meditation to get me through it.  It was intense, probably an 8 or 9/10.  I couldn’t move my left arm.  But I finally got back to sleep, and when I woke up, it was gone.  I’m chalking it up to the mysteries of fibro.

Yesterday during my predawn walking fest, my left shin hurt on the front where the muscles attach, right below the patella and above my ankle.  I breathed through it, and was able to complete my walk.  But it was hurting so bad last night that I had to take tramadol.  Again, when I woke up, it was gone.

I tried to explain this to my husband.  He says that I will know when I go too far in my workouts because the pain of actual structural damage is pretty distinct.  But I disagree.  This mystery pain that comes and goes leads me to outright ignore it.

I generally have  a rule that if something hurts more than five days, it probably isn’t fibro.

Money wise, we are much better.  We actually went for dinner at a restaurant that doesn’t feature golden arches on Friday night with Sunshine.  She was so excited to go on a “date” with her parents.  We are contributing to the household finances, but we also get a chance to save a ton of money.

Relationship wise, it couldn’t be better.  My husband has lived up to his marriage vows and has stayed by my side through this entire ordeal.  He has stepped up and taken over the breadwinner role with working 2 jobs. I am amazed at his strength and devotion to making this work, because it isn’t easy.  It can never be easy when someone feels like hell 99% of the time.  Or when there is so much uncertainty in the future.  Or when the doctors really don’t know what to do.  He has always been my advocate, making sure I’m getting good care, making sure I’m taking care of myself, and I am eternally grateful.

Sunshine wise…she is doing fantastic, as always.  She loves her teacher, she was elected leader of her group in her classroom, she is growing a “grass head” for Girl Scouts.  Her tantrum issues have quieted down since the move, and I know she is feeling much better with the overall tension around her dissipating.  There aren’t as many younger kids around here as there were in the apartments, but the kids that are here are a much better influence on her.

Overall, I am in a much better place than one year ago.  I had just started methotrexate and was still on high dose steroids.  I didn’t know if or when my eyes would clear up.  I didn’t know if I would be able to return to work.

Now the future (the immediate future at least) is somewhat certain.  I’m going to complete this work assignment.  I’m going to see how my eyes are before I seek out more permanent employment.  I am seeing more floaters, but the doc said they might never go away.  So I’m determined to hold on until my next regularly schedule appointment at the end of October.

Nothing quite like a major health disaster to make you appreciate the little things.  I’m actually getting my hair cut this week.  That’s something I haven’t been able to afford since I turned 30 (in March of 2012).  I’m able to meet one my besties for lunch this week.  It isn’t at a steakhouse, but just seeing her..alone…without husband/kids/parents is great.

I’m glad to be in a better place.  Hopefully in another 365 days it will be even better.



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