The A to Z Blog Challenge

atoz

 

My next blogging challenge?  The A to Z Blog Challenge for the month of April.  Basically, you will see a post every day (except Sunday) that will correspond to a letter of the alphabet.  I’m going to try to keep it informative about chronic illness and autoimmune disease, but something random may slip in there.  I just want to challenge myself and write more.  I hope you enjoy!!

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Making paper

It feels so good to get paid.

We are by no means out of our situation.  But seeing that check with my name on it with a decent amount attached to it is so fulfilling right now.  That entire check is going into savings.

Right now we are looking at the end of April for the move.  We want to be sure to have all of our bases covered.  I’m not even looking at places until we have a decent amount in savings to put down on a place.

The real estate market here in the Austin area is phenomenal.  Buy or rent, places are only on the market for less than a week before they are snatched up.  So I want to make sure I have all the little duckies in a row before I look and find something I like.  I don’t want to be disappointed.

Work isn’t horrific.  I’m tired.  I’m trying to rest.  But I’m so anxious that I’m offering to do ANYTHING to make myself valuable.  I’ve been on call this week, I’m doing call for a few weekends in April.  I’m volunteering to do marketing, chart review, clean the stock room, anything to get hours.

It just feels good to be productive again.  To contribute.  I have never been one to want to rely on someone else for my well being.  Ever.  One thing my parents (especially my mom) drilled into my head as a teenager was that I needed to get an education to get a good job so that I could support myself.  To never rely on someone else.  I never knew how much that advice would come in handy at the end of my first marriage.

So these past few years of relying on others have really torn me down emotionally.  For someone that makes a living…for someone who’s calling is taking care of others, being the one who needs to be taken care of is a real mindfuck.  It is guilttrippy.  I know those aren’t words but that is how I feel.

I like money…

Happy birthday to ME!!

I am officially one year older.

As one with chronic illness, and especially as a hospice nurse, it is important to celebrate these little milestones.

I am off work today (and tomorrow, as I am going to do the whole SXSW experience tonight).  I will spend today with my munchkin and hubby.

Despite our differences, my mom always cooks me a birthday dinner.  This year it will be chicken friend chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans and cheddar biscuits and chocolate cake.  That will be on Sunday.

I don’t really “WANT” anything for my birthday.  I grew out of that a long time ago.  I just want to spend time with my husband and daughter.

Never thought I’d be this happy to be celebrating 32….

Mr. Mom

It is spring break.  In this part of Texas, at least, most of the schools take the entire week off, all at the same time.  All K-12 and colleges are usually off.  FUN!!

Since I started my new job last week, I can’t ask for the week off, so my wonderful husband is staying at home this week with Sunshine.

And it has been AMAZING.

He has been taking her to the park, building block and Lego cities with her and even made a movie of her Barbies living in the dream house.

Monday I came home to an immaculate house.  I’m talking floors, kitchen, bedrooms, bathroom, all clean.  These are things that take me DAYS to accomplish.

I am so fortunate to have him.  He is able to do the things I cannot.  I can’t do much of the physical things.  I can’t run around in the park for two hours.  I very rarely can get down on the floor with Sunshine and build.  I can do the Legos, but my hands hurt if I do it for too long.  And getting back into work is exhausting me.

So I am eternally grateful.  I know I am a very lucky woman.  Not only have I found a man that loves me for me, he understands my illness.  He supports me in so many ways.  He doesn’t enable.  He uses the right amount of encouragement to push me to be healthier, but on my own terms.  He has educated himself on my illnesses and I rarely, if ever, have heard any of the hurtful “get over it” speech from him.  He understands why I can’t do certain things, and if he doesn’t understand, he asks.

So, thank you, my love.  This journey is so much better with you along for the ride.

GAM

Gainfully employed

I started back to work today.  A permanent job with permanent hours.  Its pretty much everything I was holding out for…hospice…part-time…flexible hours..in a territory close to my house.  I’m anticipating it going well.

The next week or so will be orientation.  I sat in front of a computer screen today and did policy and procedure modules. I’ll get more of that the rest of this week interspersed with meetings.  Next week I’ll be out in the field with one of my nurse friends that I used to work with at another hospice.  She put in a good word for me at this job.

I’m just anxious to be helping people again.  I know it is hard to explain to people who aren’t in this profession, but I miss it.  I miss the human interaction.  I miss listening to people, helping them solve problems, educating them.  I truly love being a nurse.

I didn’t sleep well last night, I’m chalking it up to nerves.  So some of the modules were somnolence inducing.  Tomorrow I get to meet more of the team.  I’m anxious to see how things work with this company.

I’ve mapped out the paydays and we are looking at moving mid-April.  It can’t come soon enough.

The pain has subsided with the rise in temperature.  Yesterday was BRUTAL.  Ice is not my friend.  I live here for a few reasons.  One of them being so I don’t have to deal with the total bullshit called winter.  This was my backyard yesterday morning:

grill

We used that grill a few days before…in 80 degree weather

 

I am soooooo looking forward to warm weather.  I don’t mind the heat.  I may occasionally complain when it gets into the triple digits, but I definitely prefer it to this crap.

SXSW starts this weekend.  I will be down there next Thursday night (my birthday) in hopes of feeling “cool” and “trendy”.  I didn’t get to go last year because of my health, so I’m looking forward to it.  I think its hilarious the things that I do now in my 30s that I didn’t get to do in my 20s.  Maybe its because my husband in my 30s is much more fun..

Very happy to be among the productive, contributing segment of society again.  Its hard to explain how this feels to someone who has never experienced it.  Even though I was (still am) sick, not being able to support myself, having to rely on others is a horrible feeling.  Although I have a wonderful husband who has never ever made me feel at fault or responsible for the situation we are in, it still sucks.  Seeing him work so hard at TWO jobs, one on night shift, just makes it worse.

So hopefully after a few weeks he can cut back, and we can get back on our feet and our situation can change.

Very optimistic right now.