Making paper

It feels so good to get paid.

We are by no means out of our situation.  But seeing that check with my name on it with a decent amount attached to it is so fulfilling right now.  That entire check is going into savings.

Right now we are looking at the end of April for the move.  We want to be sure to have all of our bases covered.  I’m not even looking at places until we have a decent amount in savings to put down on a place.

The real estate market here in the Austin area is phenomenal.  Buy or rent, places are only on the market for less than a week before they are snatched up.  So I want to make sure I have all the little duckies in a row before I look and find something I like.  I don’t want to be disappointed.

Work isn’t horrific.  I’m tired.  I’m trying to rest.  But I’m so anxious that I’m offering to do ANYTHING to make myself valuable.  I’ve been on call this week, I’m doing call for a few weekends in April.  I’m volunteering to do marketing, chart review, clean the stock room, anything to get hours.

It just feels good to be productive again.  To contribute.  I have never been one to want to rely on someone else for my well being.  Ever.  One thing my parents (especially my mom) drilled into my head as a teenager was that I needed to get an education to get a good job so that I could support myself.  To never rely on someone else.  I never knew how much that advice would come in handy at the end of my first marriage.

So these past few years of relying on others have really torn me down emotionally.  For someone that makes a living…for someone who’s calling is taking care of others, being the one who needs to be taken care of is a real mindfuck.  It is guilttrippy.  I know those aren’t words but that is how I feel.

I like money…

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