T: Time

They say time heals all wounds.  Well, maybe.  I do have to say from the onset of the fibro in 2005, my symptoms are much better. Under control.  But I did develop a new disease in the meantime.  Is that related?  I don’t know.  But I do know through my communications in the fibro community that it is not uncommon for those with fibro to develop autoimmune later in life.

Over time I have learned a lot.  As a nurse, I already had the database.  But you never truly UNDERSTAND an illness unless you have experienced it firsthand.  I firmly believe that.  A doc/nurse/PT etc can be the best in their field at what they do, but unless they have had the disease themselves, I truly feel they cannot understand it.

One of my best docs, a migraine doc in Pittsburgh, actually gets migraines.  And he tells his patients that he gets them too.  He tells them what it is like for him, what works for him, etc.  His research is driven by wanting to heal himself.

I have learned that chronic illness sucks.  It really does.  Being sick EVERY FUCKING DAY is really awful.  I have good days and bad, but the last time I felt completely “well” was in July of 2005.  Nearly a decade ago.  That’s a long time to be sick.

I have learned that not everybody understands.  That is a hard lesson to learn.  But you find out pretty quickly who your real friends are.  And you can even keep some of the ones that don’t understand, just don’t talk to them about your illness.

I have learned to keep my mouth shut.  There is a stigma about chronic illness.  Invisible illness.  Most people who aren’t experienced with it think we are fakers.  That we act a certain way to gain sympathy.  To get on disability.  I have leaned to be cautious with who I share my health history with.

So time has brought me some understanding, another illness, and caution.  In the future I hope it brings more research, better meds, and no more surprises.  Unless the surprise is a baby.  That would be a welcome surprise.