I: Insurance

I

 

With or without?

I have been on both sides of the coin (and I found out recently that I am abruptly without…but that is another story, fml).

And honestly, it is easier without.  I understand why people aren’t signing up for Obamacare.  Insurance is a pain in the ass.  Sometimes literally.  It can give you diarrhea.  See this post here.

My year without insurance…hmm..I probably didn’t get the BEST care possible.  But I received adequate treatment for my condition.  Steroids have been around forever.  They are cheap.  Methotrexate has been around forever.  It’s cheap.  At one point the doc wanted to try a RA med, but because I was uninsured, I couldn’t have access to it.  But it wasn’t life or death, and it didn’t make a difference in the outcome.

Now, I do owe something like $20,000 in medical bills.  I did have to come off some of my maintenance medication (such as Topamax for migraines) but there are ways to obtain expensive meds.  That paperwork sucks too, but again, it is possible.  I obtained my Lyrica and my migraine meds (Treximet) for free by sending in proof that had virtually no income and a script.

It helps that I’m a nurse.  I know what signs and symptoms are dangerous.  My docs trust me to monitor myself, my blood pressure, to titrate my meds on my own.  So that makes a difference.

Since I have had insurance (since Novemeber).  It has been a pain in the ass to get ANYTHING fucking covered.  Meds, doctors visits, procedures.  I have to prove everything. Prove that I have this.  Prove that I need that.  I have scanned countless receipts, doctors notes, etc into their “easy to use” data base to get shit paid for.  And now I don’t have insurance because the mother of my bonus son doesn’t have his birth certificate and we couldn’t get it from the state in time to make the deadline.

So instead of kicking him off the insurance (he has other coverage, we were just trying to get him BETTER coverage), they kicked us all off.  I went to get my meds the other day and was absolutely shocked at the cash price.  So now I’m paying by the pill until it gets straightened out.

So yes, insurance can be a lovely thing.  But it can also give as many migraines as it prevents.

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C: Corticosteroids

C

 

Corticosteroids:  IMHO are the fucking devil.  But according to MedlinePlus

You may have heard of anabolic steroids, which can have harmful effects. But there’s another type of steroid – sometimes called a corticosteroid – that treats a variety of problems. These steroids are similar to hormones that your adrenal glands make to fight stress associated with illnesses and injuries. They reduce inflammation and affect the immune system.

You may need to take corticosteroids to treat

  • Arthritis
  • Asthma
  • Autoimmune diseases such as lupus and multiple sclerosis
  • Skin conditions such as eczema and rashes
  • Some kinds of cancer

Steroids are strong medicines, and they can have side effects, including weakened bones and cataracts. Because of this, you usually take them for as short a time as possible.

That definition barely scratches the surface.  Most people who have autoimmune disease are put on steroids at some point.  The side effects are awful and the above definition doesn’t do them justice.  Think of the Hulk, if he was weakened from fatigue, doughy from weight gain, and probably cried all the time from the mood swings.  No SMASH, more EAT!!

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I was on high dose steroids for over a year.  I even had steroids injected into both of my eyes.  It sucked.  I gained 60lbs, I now have cataracts in both eyes, my stomach lining is permanently irritated and I will forever have nasty reflux.  Not sure about my bone density.  I will do everything in my power to stay off of these meds.

They taste awful too.

It’s a full time job…

work

And no, not one that actually pays me.  I’m talking about trying to get my medical issues paid for even when I have insurance.

My husband has United Healthcare.  And I am thankful to finally have insurance, but the hoops I have to jump through to get anything paid for are absolute insanity.

He has an HRA, which I am slowly figuring out.  They basically put money aside from his company (not just the FSA, I’ll get to that in a second) to pay the deductible.  Half of the deductible.  No copays until the deductible is satisfied.  My deductible is $3,600.  But I’m halfway there on February 1st.

But trying to get the HRA to reimburse ME for out of pocket expenses is like pulling teeth.  I submitted one bill in the first week of January.  They said they lost it.  I submitted it again the following week, they said that they couldn’t read my name on it.  They actually told me to take a pen and go over the name and amount on the receipt so that they can see it better.  FML.

So I am trying to resubmit right now, have been for the past week, and it is either their site being down, or something wrong with the settings on my computer, because it won’t upload.  But I can upload things just fine to other sites, including ADP (that’s another headache).

I have even toyed around with the settings on both this computer and my own laptop.  Nothing will upload.  So I will go the fax route.  But they don’t understand that not everyone has a fax machine, and to get to one i.e. Kinkos or a mailbox place, entails a chronically ill person getting out of the house and physically making it to said fax machine. Fuck.

Now ADP.  I hate them.  With a passion.  I have used the brand new FSA card to try and pay for this shit.  And they promptly cut it off after the first transaction.  And they won’t just take a regular receipt.  It needs to be a “detailed” receipt.  But at least their site lets me upload.  It just takes forever to go through their system.  So maybe I’ll get access to the money my husband already has set aside for us to use in the near future.

And its not like I actually need this money or anything.  I just have thousands of dollars sitting around to pay these out of pocket expenses.

So I am patiently waiting for the mailman to get here with my husband’s paycheck so I don’t have to be relying on Sunshine’s cookie money to keep gas in the tank.

That’s another headache too.  My husband works for a multi-billion dollar international company.  He has been working his ass off since he got this job, on night shift no less.  He volunteers for overtime.  Yet he has had not one paycheck that wasn’t completely fucked up.  And it is not just him.  All of his friends have had issues with their pay for MONTHS.

He has been working there since the end of October.  He has submitted his forms for direct deposit FOUR TIMES.  FOUR FUCKING TIMES.  And yet it has not gone through.  He used his PTO to go to Delaware last month.  His first paycheck when he got back did not include his PTO.  That was fun.  Nothing like expecting a paycheck for a thousand dollars and getting one for $400.  There was also the time that they mailed him a paycheck, and then stopped payment on the check for no reason.  Right now, his company owes us like $300 in overdraft fees.

This last paycheck, they shorted not just his overtime, but his shift differential as well.  And the HR people at his company are complete assholes.  I mean the ones at his physical worksite, corporate is fantastic.  But these assholes act like they couldn’t be bothered to actually do their jobs.  They act like them not paying him is none of their concern.  And because they are only there from 8-5, and his shift is 6p-6a, he rarely has the opportunity to see them with his issues.  And no one will talk to me.

And I am still on the job hunt.  But I got some bad health news today, so that might be stalled.

I had a colonoscopy/endoscopy done on Monday. There is “inflammation” in my stomach and intestine, but they don’t know what is causing it.  I have to wait for the pathology report.

My pain has been just awful.  My joints are starting to swell and I can feel the warmth and see some of the redness.  So I saw the rheumatologist yesterday.  She is VERY concerned about the GI stuff.  She told me that just based on feeling my joints, they are inflamed and swollen.  So she got xrays of my hands again and drew 6 tubes of blood to see what is going on.

On the positive side, maybe this will clear up what is actually going on with me.  Maybe the biopsy from my gut can finally tell them if it is sarcoid or not.  Maybe my blood will come back positive for something else other than just an elevated lysozyme level.  Not that I’m hoping for another diagnosis, I just want a CLEAR diagnosis.  Something that says “yes, you have this disease, and this is how to treat it”.

Ugh.  Off to apply for more jobs.  That alone is another full time job.  “No, we won’t accept your resume, you have to list every single employer you have had for the past 10 years, their address, their phone numbers and your supervisors that probably aren’t there anymore”.  And given that people with chronic illness tend to change jobs or have holes in their employment history, this is a fun task.

I’m pretty sure I have lost out on three jobs right now because I answered truthfully when they asked “and why did you leave your last job?”  I said “because of acute illness”.  I specified “acute” because that is different from “chronic” and I already learned a long time ago to keep the fibro under wraps.  So now I’m going to start lying.  “Oh, I didn’t feel like working anymore” and keep this entire fiasco under wraps.  I just feel so wrong about it.  I don’t like concealing the truth, and if someone is going to invest time and money to train me, I don’t want to come to them a month later and say “I need to take some time off because I’m sick again”.

And these aren’t even full time jobs.  I’m specifically looking into PRN jobs.  In the  nursing world, that means “as needed”.  Most of these jobs ask for a set schedule, but you aren’t “forced” to work 12 hour shifts or weekends.  They usually don’t come with  benefits, but I don’t need them.  This was my plan BEFORE the autoimmune diagnosis.  To go PRN once my husband found a job with benefits.  Something flexible so that I can work more when I’m healthy and bow out when I’m not.  It’s not an issue of not wanting to work.  I have been sick long enough to know that I CANNOT work full time, unless it is something so benign and easy that I don’t move much.  Good luck finding that as a nurse.

So if anyone has any ideas on any of this, how to navigate this insurance nightmare, where I can work, give me a clue.  I’m very frustrated right now with this state of affairs, not to mention my living situation.  Sorry for the rant.  Thank you for reading.

Sunshine plays hookey

Sunshine is now in the 1st grade.  Ever since she had her tonsils out last year, she has been fairly healthy.  I honestly don’t think she has missed a day of school since last fall for illness.

This past weekend she was complaining of feeling “hot”, stuffy nose, sore throat.

I’m a nurse so I’m the kind of mom that says “unless you are bleeding out or continually vomiting, you are going to school”.  If she complains about being sick in the morning with essentially no symptoms, I still convince her to go by saying “just give it a try, if you are too sick to learn, go and see the nurse and she will call me.”

But my mom and my husband pointed out that sometimes kids just need a break.

So when Sunshine started complaining last night of the same symptoms, feeling hot, sore throat, etc.  I checked her out (no fever, no red throat).  I’m convinced its allergies.

So this morning she looked pitiful in bed and asked to stay home.  I made it clear to her that staying home would mean she is confined to her room for the day.  No outside, no park, no playing with friends.  She said she was feeling yucky, she did have a stuffy nose, so I let her stay home.

Now she is wide awake.  She says “I’m not sick anymore!” and wants to do things.

And to top it off, my mother says “where do you think she learns to play sick?” Inferring both that I’m a horrible mother, that I’m “playing sick” and that I’m teaching my bad habits to my child.

Grrr.

So I’m angry.  I’m not feeling so hot myself (I actually DO have a red throat) and now I have to entertain a hooky playing six year old and listen to my mother’s snarky comments all day.

FML

scream

Good Lord.  Can it get any worse?

Well, yes it can.  I’m just blowing off steam here.  But there is a new complication to this entire autoimmune disease odessey.

I started with SEVERE back pain on Monday.  Because I have fibromyalgia, I usually ignore most pain and chalk it up to fibro.

Well, this pain persisted.  Its on the left side and higher than my usual low back pain.  It kind of wraps around my hip.

This pain is alternating stabbing and dull pain.  And I can barely walk.

I have been eating Tramadol more than usual and the pain finally prompted me to see my primary care doc.

After finding blood in  my urine, the doc thinks it might be kidney related.

Really?

She wanted to do an ultrasound immedietly, but since I have no insurance, this would be cost prohibitive right now.

So she put me on a muscle relaxer and told me to take it with the Tramadol.

She said if the pain doesn’t subside by Tuesday, that I will probably need that ultrasound, regardless of cost.

I know from my merticulous reading on the subject, that if I do have a kidney stone, it might be definitive of sarcoidosis.

I took the muscle relaxer last night, along with Tramadol, my usual drug cocktail and my weekly methotrexate dosage.

I woke up with the pain again.

I’m scared.

Really scared.

I haven’t told my husband yet, but since it is a holiday weekend here in the states, I can’t do anything about it until Tuesday.

It will be a miracle if we can make rent this month.  We have begged family members to help in the past few months and they have been extremely generous, but they are weary of our requests.

My husband just completed training for a job that will hopefully be full time and provide benefits.  He’s planning to work two jobs this summer to get us on firm financial footing.

The end is in sight.  It’s just these final weeks that are so hard.  I’m seriously terrified about the money.  I do not want to get evicted, we do not have money to move, and the type of apartment we could move in to is in a bad area.

So I’m not to happy right now.  I’m in pain.  I have to make food for the picnic I’m going on with my friends this weekend.  I at least try to do normal things, even if I’m feeling like hell.

Positive thinking:  This kidney stuff may be how I get a definitive diagnosis.

 

How are you? And other useless questions…

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I started down this rabbit hole again when Facebook asked me a similar question…”what did you do this weekend?”

Very quickly I thought to myself “the same thing I do every weekend: inject poison in an attempt to prevent blindness”.

I was really proud of myself for thinking of something somewhat witty so quickly.

I didn’t post it, because I do not want to be the person that posts to FB with every little complaint and worry.

That is what this blog is for.

Rottenecards_79656837_z5hmw3365qBut I do tend to use FB as a soapbox sometimes.  If it isn’t about chronic illness, its about PTSD, sexual assault, domestic violence, the nursing profession and very seldom, my political leanings.

I separated out my other writings and book pages as to not inundate my poor friends and family with upwards of 10 posts per day.

But after days like today, after a month like this, I just want to post something about what is REALLY going on when I see the lovely questions posed in my status bar posed by Mr. Zuckerberg (or at least, his employees).

Here are some examples of the things I felt like posting (but never did):

How are you? In pain, nauseous, itchy, cranky, and tired.  All at once. Oh and there are permanent black spots in my vision.

How was your day?  Let’s see, I had horrible, horrible nightmares and woke up screaming.  When I woke up after hours of torture, I could barely move.  When I did finally start moving, I had pain somewhere in my body.  I was dizzy and literally fell INTO the bathroom.  Doing my morning blood pressure yielded less than stellar results.  I tried to eat something healthy and wholesome for breakfast, but the carb craving kicked in and I had Froot Loops again (two bowls). I had to take a ton of medication that doesn’t taste good even in pill form.  Then I went to the doctors, was told that I’m not getting better, I might actually be getting worse, and received an injection TO MY EYE.  It soon began to bleed and cause a lovely shadow to the periphery of my vision.  The doctor promises another injection to the other eye “if things don’t improve”.  I’m ecstatic.

What are you up to?  I’m trying to distract myself from the relentless fatigue and pain.  So I’m just ducky.

What are you looking forward to tomorrow?  Being alone because these medications make me so damn irritable, I can’t stand to hear another mammal breathe (this goes for the cat too).

But other than pointing out how difficult my current situation is, Facebook actually has some redeeming qualities.

1) It keeps me in touch with friends and family 1500 miles away.  After I picked up and moved to Texas four years ago, I have still been able to maintain a fairly steady presence in the life of my best friend.  So much so that she came to Texas for my wedding, and I was the first person she called with news of the birth of her children.  Although we would still be friends without it, Facebook has managed to keep us in touch with each other after being busy with various life events and marriage and children.
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2)  I love to post pics of Sunshine.  Not to show off, but because she brings me so much joy.  I just love sharing her smile.  And if it can cheer ME up, perhaps it can cheer up others.  Also, I love seeing pics of my friend’s kids and how they are growing (due to the whole 1500 miles thing).

I don’t post pics here and try to remain at least somewhat anonymous because of the custody issues with her sperm donor.  I know that he has stated he wants nothing to do with her, but he is extremely unstable, and I don’t want to invite trouble, should he stumble upon this blog and tie it to Sunshine.

3)  If it wasn’t for Facebook, I wouldn’t know the latest trends and fads!  i would think that the Harlem Shake is a type of dessert and Gangnam Style is the name of a clothing line for gang members.

4) It really does make your birthday that much sweeter when 73 people take time to type out  a message to wish you a happy birthday (really, it does).Rottenecards_8348971_c2jpz6n4q9

5) Humor.  FB has given me hours of amusement.  From the funny videos that people post to the little signs and the stories, it truly helps.  And because it is all on one site, I don’t have to go to another website to find something to make me laugh.

6) And most of all, I have found two groups that truly make me feel that I am not alone in all of this.  I have belonged to a group about moms that have fibro for a number of years.  Recently the moderator made it a closed group, so if I truly want to complain, I don’t have to worry about MY mom reading it. And since FB changes features regularly, I never know when I am safe to post something caustic.

I also found a group for pars planitis, and the fact that there are only 37 members worldwide just shows how this is a rare disorder.  Granted, they are probably only the 37 people that speak English and have pars planitis, but given that 1 out of 12 people on this earth have a FB page, and there are hundreds of millions of people in the English speaking world, that is still a small number of people.

Rottenecards_38391240_9vz62t56dkYes, I get alot of support on wordpress, but sometimes I just want to quickly vent about something that is going on right that second, and I don’t want to log into WP to post it (I think it should be reserved for longer rants, like this one).

I can also access FB on my phone and Kindle.  I can do that with WP too, but for some reason it isn’t updating, and I haven’t gotten around to uninstalling it and reinstalling it.

Also, reading the every day complaints of others helps, especially when I have the same symptom or issue with a medication.  It helps me realize that there are others struggling with the exact, same things.

And no one can truly understand what it is like to take a needle to the eye unless they have actually experienced it.

So that is my latest Facebook rant.  I feel better after posting it.

WARNING!!

True!!

My replies:

1)   Thank you!  But I now look like a hippo.  I looked much better with color to my cheeks, no bags under my eyes, and no mysterious bruises or rashes.  (Or I should just hand them a pic of me at my wedding and say “this is what I REALLY look like”…oh and I got married 8 months ago).

2)  Does everyone have to do a countdown prior to heaving themselves out of bed every morning?  I think not.

3)  Yes.  And there are starving children in Africa.  Your point is?

4)  I wish.  Why don’t you snap out of being an a-hole.

5)  Maintaining my sight and staying out of the hospital  is a full-time job.  And since I no longer have health insurance, me staying out of the hospital is saving YOU money.

6)  No you don’t.  There isn’t anything to watch on TV (pretty much anytime of day), there are only so many websites you can visit, and there are only so many positions your body can tolerate for a given period of time.  Eating in  bed also has its drawbacks.

7)  I wish.  If I go out in public, I risk getting sick.  If I sit in the sun for longer than 5 minutes, I risk some serious sunburn.  If I do the wrong type of exercise, I run the risk of breaking a bone or snapping a tendon.  If I walk further than I anticipated, I risk not making it back.  Again, keeping me OUT of the hospital is saving YOU money.

8)  That’s great.  And do they walk on water?

9)  Right.  If you had pain like this, you would be in the ER.

10)  I’m a nurse.  Your point is invalid.

Resume your regularly scheduled poison…

So I started back on the poison this past weekend.  I was feeling pretty awful toward Wednesday of last week, so I didn’t have that almost normal feeling and then that sensation of being brought down by the methotrexate on Friday.

Mr. Yuk

I still felt the usual side effects, concrete in my limbs, inability to freely walk around, nausea. When I feel weighted down like that I feel so frustrated.  I have the tendency to chant to myself “I hate this! I hate this! I hate this!”.  I despise asking for help to get up from a position on the couch or bed.  Or for asking my husband to help me get something to drink or a pillow or a blanket.  He is always more than happy to help, he doesn’t guilt me, doesn’t make it seem like I am asking too much or that I’m lazy, he is wonderful.  Its just that I feel helpless and dependent, and I do not like feeling that way.

So I try to plan my small trips from the bedroom to the living room as best I can, i.e. bringing what I need in one trip.  And I live in a really small apartment (800-900 sq feet).  I just don’t have the strength or dexterity to make multiple trips.  So I try and bring my favorite pillow, water cup, phone, it’s charger, Kindle (if needed, it’s charger) and any pain medication I need all in one trip.  Yeah, that works the morning after chemo.

Preparing food is fun too.  Never thought I’d be so happy to have such a small kitchen.  Not enough room to do serious damage if you can get from the stove to the sink to the fridge by barely turning around.

 

I do feel that I stumble around like Frankenstein.  I am slow to get up, I am slow when I do get up, and my movements lack fluidity.

I should have actually dressed up this year..Bride of Frankenstein or zombie.  No one would have noticed.

One thing I do regret in all of this is having to miss things I used to love because I can no longer do them.  One event occurred this past weekend.  My husband and I loved dressing up for Halloween and going out with the crazy masses to downtown Austin.  With the fibro alone it was iffy, but I survived (one year in heels).  This year, no way in hell.  Not with the pain, fatigue and poison coursing through my veins.  I doubt I will get to take my daughter Trick or Treating.  My parents will get that honor.  I would last half a block.

I do realize how lucky I am.  It is just when I have recently taken the methotrexate it is hard for me to see positive because I feel so awful.  I literally can’t move.  But by tomorrow or Tuesday I’ll feel much better.  And the cycle begins again next Friday.  Or Saturday as we have another wedding to go to.

I like weddings.  That’s positive.

The Rollercoaster

Up and down.  Up and down.  Throw in a couple of loops just for fun. That’s how I feel my health is right now.  My life.

I have several people, including my husband, who turn to me for advice.  Old friends, people from high school.  I’m on speed dial.  My best advice is to roll with the punches.  Try to see the positive in every situation.  Relax and let things fall into place.

I wish I could follow my own advice.

I’m just disappointed.  I hate being on methotrexate and steroids.  Absolutely hate it.

I get better through out the week as the methotrexate leaves my body.  By Thursday or Friday I can do more, I can move more, I feel slightly normal.

Then Friday comes and I have to take the injection and I tumble back to the abyss.  Being dependent on my husband to help me get to the bathroom.  Forcing myself to eat.  Having no control over falling asleep.  Moving like Frankenstein.  I detest it.

But I actually like having the ability to see my environment.  So I take the poison.

I pushed back my medication schedule this week to celebrate my cousin’s wedding with my extended family.  I actually felt pretty good on Saturday.  Good enough to dance with my daughter.  That was priceless.  I was insanely sore by the time I got home, but my daughter was able to see me functioning in a semi normal fashion.  An emotional high.

So here I sit on a Monday morning.  Feeling like crap.  I can barely move, I feel like I’m going to fall asleep at any minute. But I have things to do today.  I try to look for adjectives to describe how I feel other than “crap”.  So far I have come up with:

  • “leaded limbs”
  • “moving through concrete”
  • “living in the fog”
  • “like there is sludge in my veins”
  • “like the floor keeps on moving” = vertigo
  • “like I’m hungry but the thought of food makes me want to vomit”
  • “like someone else has inhabited your body and is controlling your limbs” = tremors
  • “like you just ran a marathon but you are sitting still” – tachycardia
  • “like someone smeared vaseline on your glasses” – blurry vision from the ocular sarcoid
  • “like I’m 4 months pregnant but there is no baby” – swelling of my stomach from the steroids
  • “like I ate a bag of marshmallows” – swollen face from the steroids
  • “like I am continually shoving my mouth full of cotton” – dry mouth from the meds
  • “so irritable that molecules rubbing against each other drive me insane”

I think that is it for the metaphors.  My brain is shot.  I guess that today is just a bad day.  I had a good day on Saturday, so I guess today is payback.

Positive thoughts:

  • I am alive
  • I am not in pain at the current moment
  • I have a husband that is supportive and loves me
  • I have a family that loves and supports me
  • My family is relatively happy and healthy
  • I have a new zombie book to read and review
  • I am making cookies tonight with my daughter

Hopefully the positive thinking will yield positive results!!

Why Spongebob and steroids do not mix

I’ve had enough!!

Oh dear God!! Maybe it was bound to happen eventually. Who knows? Other than the massive weight gain, I get extremely irritable on steroids. Not right away, thank God, or the wedding would have been…interesting. But it has been an insidious process.

I started out at 60mg per day. And the dosage has been toyed with since that time. Today I tapered down to 5 mg. I am nervous about it. This is the lowest dosage I have been on in four months. The last time they tried to taper me..my eyes rebelled. But I wasn’t on methotrexate at the time. I am hoping this goes well because I’m not sure if I can continue going on like this.

Back to the little sponge.

My daughter is a huge fan. I was a huge fan before her birth. I get the adult humor that the creators of the cartoon claim to know nothing about. I think I have seen every episode at least twice by now.

We have Directv, so we get at least six channels of Nickelodeon. That means at least 24 hours of Spongebob. And my daughter loves it. She doesn’t necessarily watch all the time, just having it on in the background is ok, but she loves that sponge.

I lost it the other day. The voice just got to me. I told my daughter “ENOUGH ALREADY! Find something else to watch. I don’t care what it is, just no more Spongebob!!!”

She complied, but the first time she thought I wasn’t paying attention, on went the sponge, and again that high pitched voice. “TURN THAT OFF!” “Why Mama?” “I don’t know, I just have no tolerance for Spongebob today”

I hate this aspect of the steroids. I turn into a different person. I’m glad that it is not that often, but when I have an irritable day, I snap at everyone. I have no tolerance of my husband’s sense of humor, no tolerance for Spongebob or my daughter’s antics, no tolerance for my mom’s politics, I just want to go in my room and read.

I have explained to my daughter that mommy has “Grumpy Bear days”, she has a Care Bear book and I used that to illustrate to her that sometime people don’t feel happy all the time. She seems to be on board with that. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful, intelligent and thoughtful child.

My husband usually thinks I’m mad at him. Which is not the case at all. I’m just mad at the world and EVERY SINGLE THING gets on my nerves. The air is annoying. My skin is annoying. I just want to scream. And sometimes it gets misdirected.

I can’t wait to be off of this medication. It truly is the devil. I understand the reasoning behind it, and it probably saved my eyesight. But steroids and my life do not mix. And my life involves a relationship with a sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea….