I started down this rabbit hole again when Facebook asked me a similar question…”what did you do this weekend?”
Very quickly I thought to myself “the same thing I do every weekend: inject poison in an attempt to prevent blindness”.
I was really proud of myself for thinking of something somewhat witty so quickly.
I didn’t post it, because I do not want to be the person that posts to FB with every little complaint and worry.
That is what this blog is for.
But I do tend to use FB as a soapbox sometimes. If it isn’t about chronic illness, its about PTSD, sexual assault, domestic violence, the nursing profession and very seldom, my political leanings.
I separated out my other writings and book pages as to not inundate my poor friends and family with upwards of 10 posts per day.
But after days like today, after a month like this, I just want to post something about what is REALLY going on when I see the lovely questions posed in my status bar posed by Mr. Zuckerberg (or at least, his employees).
Here are some examples of the things I felt like posting (but never did):
How are you? In pain, nauseous, itchy, cranky, and tired. All at once. Oh and there are permanent black spots in my vision.
How was your day? Let’s see, I had horrible, horrible nightmares and woke up screaming. When I woke up after hours of torture, I could barely move. When I did finally start moving, I had pain somewhere in my body. I was dizzy and literally fell INTO the bathroom. Doing my morning blood pressure yielded less than stellar results. I tried to eat something healthy and wholesome for breakfast, but the carb craving kicked in and I had Froot Loops again (two bowls). I had to take a ton of medication that doesn’t taste good even in pill form. Then I went to the doctors, was told that I’m not getting better, I might actually be getting worse, and received an injection TO MY EYE. It soon began to bleed and cause a lovely shadow to the periphery of my vision. The doctor promises another injection to the other eye “if things don’t improve”. I’m ecstatic.
What are you up to? I’m trying to distract myself from the relentless fatigue and pain. So I’m just ducky.
What are you looking forward to tomorrow? Being alone because these medications make me so damn irritable, I can’t stand to hear another mammal breathe (this goes for the cat too).
But other than pointing out how difficult my current situation is, Facebook actually has some redeeming qualities.
1) It keeps me in touch with friends and family 1500 miles away. After I picked up and moved to Texas four years ago, I have still been able to maintain a fairly steady presence in the life of my best friend. So much so that she came to Texas for my wedding, and I was the first person she called with news of the birth of her children. Although we would still be friends without it, Facebook has managed to keep us in touch with each other after being busy with various life events and marriage and children.
2) I love to post pics of Sunshine. Not to show off, but because she brings me so much joy. I just love sharing her smile. And if it can cheer ME up, perhaps it can cheer up others. Also, I love seeing pics of my friend’s kids and how they are growing (due to the whole 1500 miles thing).
I don’t post pics here and try to remain at least somewhat anonymous because of the custody issues with her sperm donor. I know that he has stated he wants nothing to do with her, but he is extremely unstable, and I don’t want to invite trouble, should he stumble upon this blog and tie it to Sunshine.
3) If it wasn’t for Facebook, I wouldn’t know the latest trends and fads! i would think that the Harlem Shake is a type of dessert and Gangnam Style is the name of a clothing line for gang members.
4) It really does make your birthday that much sweeter when 73 people take time to type out a message to wish you a happy birthday (really, it does).
5) Humor. FB has given me hours of amusement. From the funny videos that people post to the little signs and the stories, it truly helps. And because it is all on one site, I don’t have to go to another website to find something to make me laugh.
6) And most of all, I have found two groups that truly make me feel that I am not alone in all of this. I have belonged to a group about moms that have fibro for a number of years. Recently the moderator made it a closed group, so if I truly want to complain, I don’t have to worry about MY mom reading it. And since FB changes features regularly, I never know when I am safe to post something caustic.
I also found a group for pars planitis, and the fact that there are only 37 members worldwide just shows how this is a rare disorder. Granted, they are probably only the 37 people that speak English and have pars planitis, but given that 1 out of 12 people on this earth have a FB page, and there are hundreds of millions of people in the English speaking world, that is still a small number of people.
Yes, I get alot of support on wordpress, but sometimes I just want to quickly vent about something that is going on right that second, and I don’t want to log into WP to post it (I think it should be reserved for longer rants, like this one).
I can also access FB on my phone and Kindle. I can do that with WP too, but for some reason it isn’t updating, and I haven’t gotten around to uninstalling it and reinstalling it.
Also, reading the every day complaints of others helps, especially when I have the same symptom or issue with a medication. It helps me realize that there are others struggling with the exact, same things.
And no one can truly understand what it is like to take a needle to the eye unless they have actually experienced it.
So that is my latest Facebook rant. I feel better after posting it.