Attempting normalcy

I was spared the poison (methotrexate) this weekend because my immune system does not appear to be doing its job, as evidenced by a rash on my torso.  I thought without the side effects caused by the chemo, I could attempt to do normal things this weekend.


I have also been battling the cold that never ends.  And with above stated immune issues, my attempts at a normal weekend were thwarted.

My dad knows how I feel about my appearance these days.  I have gained weight, I have the typical steroid “moon face”, and I stumble about like Frankenstein half the time.  Not appealing when you are a newlywed (or any time actually).  My husband is amazing, but I still feel very self conscious.  My dad paid for my to go to my favorite hair stylist, the one who turned me into the most beautiful bride just a few months ago, for a “tune up”.  I cut my hair shorter than I normally would have just to make it one less thing to worry about.  It’s amazing how something as simple as a new haircut and style (and a wax of the unibrow) can make one feel so much better.

After the haircut, my husband and I went “little shopping”, that usually means less than an hour and for the essentials.  We have had to cut way back on what we spend, and we are working on scrounging up money for next month’s rent.  So our shopping expenditures were curtailed to the bare essentials.

Those two errands, three to four hours out of the house, I was exhausted.  Come home and lay down and don’t move.

Yesterday, laundry day.  We all finally got to the point where we HAD to do laundry.  Meaning we were all out of clean clothes.  Ick.  So now ALL the laundry in the house is done.  It is just not folded.  As of right now it is sitting on a table in my room.  Piled up and awaiting my attention.  Shit.

And the inevitable children’s birthday party.  I firmly believe that all children’s birthday parties during football season should be held on a Saturday or not at all.  Which reminds me..

When I was pregnant, I was sternly reminded that if I went into labor on a Steeler Sunday, I could expect to wait until the game was over to find transport to the hospital.  This from my parents and my husband at the time.  I knew they were joking. But I happened to go into labor on a Steeler THURSDAY, verses Cleveland no less, and was told to push her out before kick off.  I complied and my room emptied by gametime.  I watched the game with the newest member of the Steeler nation bundled next to me.

So back to the children’s birthday party.  My daughter was invited and of course wanted to go.  It was here in our apartment complex so no problem.  But I know how I look.  There are a few moms in the complex that know I have health issues.  This family wasn’t one of them.  But I took her anyway.  And stayed 3 hours.  The walk there (up to the pool area) is maybe two blocks in distance.  I was having difficulty with it.  My daughter had a blast, and I socialized with the neighbors.

And when I got home, I completely crashed.  Lights out.  So glad my husband was here.  I was knocked out for 3 hours.

I woke up in pain.  Joints, especially elbows.  I’m not sure why the pain is getting worse, I just know that it is.  Especially in my hips, knees, elbows and fingers.  Sometimes it feels like someone is smashing me with a hammer.

I try not to take pain pills.  I start with Tylenol and if that doesn’t work I have Tramadol.  But rarely to I use that.  I also use non-medicinal methods for pain.  Biofreeze helps, especially the roll on version.  Heat.  Meditation.  I use distraction a lot to take my mind off the pain (I read 2-3 books per week).

Because I slept so much during the day, I couldn’t fall asleep last night.  Read until 4 am.  It was a good book too.

So now my sleep schedule is screwy.  I’m heading back to bed.

I am trying so hard to affect a normal life right now.  Its just difficult when I can’t predict what my body will do.  I can’t predict the pain, the exhaustion.  I am told to try and push my limits.  I do that and I end up past the point of exhaustion.

Today is another day.  I will try again.  First I need more sleep.

My bad habit..

I guess it’s not a bad habit really.  But it can cost money.  And the way I go through these can cost a lot of money.  I have always been a bookworm.  I started to read at age four and really haven’t let up since.  As a child I would read anything I could get my hands on.  I read way above my reading level, and I don’t think my parents noticed when I started reading Stephen King at the age of nine.  To this day I hate clowns.  And I have yet to see the movie, nor do I want to.

I go on reading tangents, where I’ll voraciously tear through an author or a subject, and then be done with it for awhile.  I usually don’t follow the best sellers lists, although I gave in and did the “Hunger Games” things this year and the “Fifty Shades of Grey” thing.  Don’t roll your eyes.  I didn’t know those books existed until I saw a ton of my friends on FB talking about it.

My thoughts on the “Hunger Games”:  I loved it.  Very well written.  I saw the movie too.  And I can’t wait for the rest of the movies.

My thoughts on “Fifty”:  Lacking in the writing category, but it accomplished it’s mission.  It’s a sweet story.  If the reader can handle the sexual topics presented.  There were times I had to flip past a few of the sections, but only because of my past.  And that’s another post for another day.  I don’t need to go down that rabbit hole.

Currently I have been reading on average a book a day.  I have a Kindle, which I think is God’s (or whoever’s) sign to us that s/he loves us, and I raid the free books on Amazon at least once a week.  As I haven’t been working, there is no money for me to actually pay for my books.  Even if they are 99 cents.  So I scour Amazon for free books.  And I really haven’t been disappointed.

I also do, in which authors put up their books for review.  Majorly good stuff.  I haven’t read a bad book yet.  In fact I have come across some amazing good authors through that site.

Some of my recent favorites:  “The Zombie Bible” series by Stant Litore, “There Goes the Galaxy” by Jenn Thoreson, and The Mercury series by Rob Kroese.

What I look for in a book is something that can completely take me away from my current setting and situation.  Paint the picture for me.  Put me with the character.  Teach me something.  With the Zombie Bible series, Litore literally paints the picture of the time and place.  His writing is incredible.  With “Galaxy”, you are actually in space, new languages, aliens, customs, I truly loved it.  And Mercury…just the humor aimed at religion.